maandag, maart 12, 2007

I'm very haunted by the past tonight.
Was supposed to start doing immunology at 8pm but its already 44 minutes after 8.

44 minutes of listening to chi xin jue dui over and over again
44 minutes of staring at our photos on my laptop
44 minutes of reliving the taut pain that sat inside me for the better part of 2006.

Have i really gotten over you? In every sense of the word.
Or am i just running away? Running away from the fact that both of us are so broken and battered, twisted to the point of cynicism.

Am i just being with someone else, ostensibly to show you that i've moved on, when all i really wanna do is beg you to come back?

Beg you to remember how we were like.
Beg you to look past how much we mutilated each other,
and see that we've found the person we're gonna marry at a tender age of 18.

Because as much a disbeliever as i'm known to be now,
i was so full of faith back then.
Back then before doubt ever crossed our minds,
before hurt ever touched our hearts.

Back then when i would listen to Barbara Streisand all night long.
Back then when i would hop and skip down orchard road just because i was bursting with happines, bursting with happiness to just be with you.

That kind of contentment, that kind of joy - we threw it all away.
We threw it away for something we'd thought to be better.


Do you remember how we..
do you remember talking until..
do you remember holding hands
do you remember eating the..
do you remember wanting that..
do you remember laughing at..
do you remember kissing slowly..

Do you remember?
Do you remember...

Because some nights it's all i can think about.

Some nights, all i can think about is that overwhelming love.
It wasn't toxic, now i know.

I believed it to be toxic just to justify why it hurts so bad.

Some nights all i can think about is walks on the beach.
Some nights all i can think about is that weekend in KL.
Some nights all i can think about is hugging you to sleep, and how my hand always found yours, so effortlessly, so naturally..

Whispers in the dark.
Glances over tabletops.
Kisses in the lift.

It's so far away now, but to me, it's still so very tangible.

And until the day i can find someone who has the ability to make me feel HALF the way you made me feel, it will be tangible for the rest of my life.

i think its 8:44 p.m. now

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