This is bigger than you and I x

2008-07-31T20:37:00.001+10:00

I have moved. Permanently, i hope.

Same name, different host.

Goodbye!

2008-07-26T09:51:00.002+10:00

Great Ocean Road trip today.

Nothing can possibly stop me from missing the Bee-eff and the Biffle.

:(

2008-07-22T00:51:00.002+10:00

I am at the airport now.

The only reason why I am not flinging myself against the tarmac underneath the aircraft is that it I am probably never sitting Business Class again for a long, long time.

And furthermore, I am into my Week 2 and still I have not printed a single set of notes.

Haha, what a diligent student.

I am derailing from the way my heart feels right now.

Detached.

Fourth Semester of us being apart - it doesnt get any easier.

2008-07-16T01:57:00.003+10:00

Dec 23, 2007 entry from hippo:

to the zoo animals: i really love you a lot. you guys are the next best thing(s) in my life after the family. (and Mr Big)

i really cherish everything that we are together. : )))

Mirror that sentiment right now, with the addition of the above in bold.

2008-07-15T02:16:00.002+10:00

The feeling is back.

For the past 3 weeks, i have taken him for granted.
Shouting debacles, hurling random heavy things at him,
treating him coldly, clubbing all i want without spending much time together.

I have placed my other non-scholarly pursuits well and above him,
meeting up with all my friends while oblivious to how he feels..
Worst of all, i sulked and showcased my infamous black face in front of his parents.

Him from work: (after spending the night at my place with only 3 hours of sleep without bathing) I'm hungry, i'm dirty, i'm tired, and most of all i'm hurt. What more could you want from me?"

And it was raining that day and i made him wake up at 545am to take the bus to work.
His socks were soaked through.

I know god sees all of this and thinks that i'm a bloody fucking bitch.

Of course, god don't mean that literally. Probably would say that i have sinned, need to repent, confess to a priest..

But right now, the feeling is back.

Feeling as in feeling i had back in February , just after spending all 3.5 months with him,
just before i left for melbourne..

That helpless, almost futile sense of watching the time pass us by..

I made a mental vow to myself to never feel that way again.

Now i have asked for it.

And i know the exact solution for it.

If only i were living alone.....

2008-07-11T15:40:00.001+10:00

And the award for the best liar goes to you
For making me believe that you could be faithful to me,
Let's hear your speech out,
How about a round of applause,
A standin' ovation.

2008-07-11T13:33:00.003+10:00

I'm back from neverneverland! Right, plenty of stuff has happened since then.. And whoever said that place was boring? Living without an internet connection has been pretty liberating. It teaches you to improvise..

Well, to start things off, the love life is grrrreat. Beyond great, actually. I have so many tom dick and harrys. What's not to love? See, my portrayal as a high grade slut has achieved far and widespread effects. I love it when everyone who reads my blog thinks i'm a total whore and go around spreading that notion, especially if it's to be beloved boyfriend.

You suckers! My boyfriend knows better than that! Where else do you think he got me from? Moscow's red light district! Bunch of motherfuckers.

Ok, that wasn't very nice. I shall try to be nice to people from now on. Especially if such people love bitching about things that aren't true. You know, the truth is always boring. Why do you think celebrity magazines are so popular? They concoct alot of sordid stories and when the hoi polloi of us read them, we DIG IT. People love the warped version of any story. It makes more of an interesting read.

This rule of thumb applies to above mentioned mathafuckers.

Allright, enough. I'm at the airport now, waiting for The Queen to arrive. I have no internet at home, my laptop is totally cocked up, and my new phone that's supposed to carry out a million functions can only carry out one: fight its way to the floor.

I wanna credit my sanity to these few people: my boyfriend, my cousins, the rekindled BFF Vanessa Seow Yu Hui, and of course, my new tech gadget.

Goodbye.

2008-07-11T13:02:00.002+10:00

For something i want, don't try to resist me

2008-06-26T20:32:00.002+10:00

Me: "He looks like my janitor now lor!"

Pluto: "OH MY, then you really need to shave."

-silence ensues-

Me: "JANITOR! TER TER TER!! Not GENITAL!"

lol.

2008-06-26T13:06:00.009+10:00

Last night was Ladies Nite!
Met the girls at Riciotti @ Riverwalk.

My non-existent dimple:

How i feel towards Pong's photo-taking abilities :

Let us all rejoice that lonely planet decided to grace us with her presence: (goes without saying that she got lost in that process)

AND this is my FAVOURITE photo of the YEAR:

Headed down to Zouk, but phuture stopped letting GIRLS in at 9fuckingpm.

I was wearing a tie, so i was convincing the bouncers that i really am actually a guy.

Didn't exactly work,
BUT BUT BUT, thanks to my "hotness"
WE GOT IN!!! WOOHOO!

I bestow this honour upon my killer heels.

LIFE IS SPLENDIDDDD!

Why, why, why did i even leave this place.

Btw, i volunteered to tutor Ken for Social Studies this entire month.
Since i LOVE source-based questions.

GO FIGURE.

ENJOY LIFE WHILE YOU CAN FOLKS!

2008-06-23T11:54:00.002+10:00

I realized that the only thing my goddaughter and i have in common is curly wurly hair.

Struck me yesterday whilst standing amongst the aisle of toys' r us.

What is she crazy about now?
Is it still Winx Club? Barbie? Play-doh? Bratz?

Did she ever like Bratz?

Anyway, I can barely b-r-e-a-t-h-e.
The excitement is coming in tsunamis.

I will kill myself if there is a question later that i am doubtful over.
Like, the knowledge is at my fingertips right now. Or should i say, distal phalanx.

Have a great winter break everyone!

Me's gonna go home to get laaaa-id!

2008-06-22T10:34:00.002+10:00

Like before any Indian takes off for somewhere else, he/she has many things to do:

1. Transfer money
2. Pay allll my bills - i don't wanna come back to find out i got fined for a late notice
3. Wash my clothes
4. Tidy my room to some resemblance of how the mother left it before she left
5. Buy toys from chadstone for my goddaughter
6. VISIT TIE RACK!
7. Return DVDs
8. Buy Rach's present, if time permits
9. Throw away everything in the fridge/off fridge
10. One bottle of red wine left, one more night left. Hmmm.....
11. Book appointment for car smash repairs, cover car with car cover.
12. Book a cab

As you can see, OH! wait.

13. SIT FOR ANATOMY EXAM!

Almost forgot the last bit.

With regards to No. 4, my room IS A DUMP.

I shall first try to mentally pack my room.
This involves looking around and thinking where should i put this and that.
In the evening, i will execute the plan.
I think it will be more efficient that way.

2008-06-18T23:34:00.000+10:00

Murphy's Law says good things come in threes:

1. I FINALLY confirmed my flight home!! Emirates baby! Amen.

2. Cookies delivered to mah doorstep. Hot, piping, and still crispppy.
Definitely better than Mrs Fields, but still not as ooomph as Famous Amos.
But good effort, E! Keep up the baking work!

3. Our first trip together given the validation from the mother!

laters.

2008-06-18T12:57:00.003+10:00

I WANT THIS BOOK.

NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND

I WANT IT I WANT IT I WANT IT NOW!!!!!!!

The Object of My Affections

2008-06-18T10:06:00.005+10:00

I am slowly retreating back into that cement-and-concrete thingamajig that i so begrudgingly built around everyone else when hk left.

So i wonder, growing up, did i really shape myself against the grain of my parents' unhappiness?

I could never admit it.

I believed their lives and mine existed on two entirely separate entities.

That i could schlep myself away from the complexity of it all.

Now i've come to realize my life mirrors my mother's in more ways than one.

The nose, the boy drama, the compulsive shopping behavior, the saying-one-thing-but-meaning-another..thing.

It was all just an excuse.

-

We're going Bangkok. Steady ah!

-

But because today is a dreary day, with absolutely nothing to do in this cave of mine,

and because the BOYFRIEND is missin out on all this sexy permed hair action :

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x.o.x.o

2008-06-17T09:34:00.000+10:00

scream scream scream

2008-06-16T17:42:00.003+10:00

BIG SIGH...........................................................................................................................................................

.............................................................................................................................................................................
.............................................................................................................................................................................
.............................................................................................................................................................................

Never felt so depressed about something so superficial before.

And no, it is not about my paper.
It went exceptionally well, i think.
But no, this is extremely................

Debilitating.

2008-06-15T20:20:00.000+10:00

Hey Baby,

Sorry for neglecting you. I know that i've really put aside your feelings for the past 1 month and you're feeling really lonely and unwanted. See the thing is, i'm having my exams. You understand that don't you? I'm sorry that you think that i've only been using you, giving you fuel only when you're running low on it. I admit that sometimes i throw my tantrum at you when you can't get it up, especially in the cold winter mornings.

I also apologize that i totally disregarded your feelings when i spoke ill in front of you to my friends, saying that you're not worth it, and wishing i had made another choice.

However, after my dreadful paper tomorrow, i promise i will bring you to SupaWash and give you a good hosing down - soap and wax and all - until you are sparkling clean. Please don't die on me again okay?

Love,
Your Faithful Owner

2008-06-13T15:04:00.002+10:00

AHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAH

GROW UP LAH!

stop acting like your shoe size, rem how we used to say that audee??

-rolls eyes-

Btw, i found William Weekley the III on facebook!
OMG i was so crazy about him 3 years ago when we were in new york.
Haha, same old same old. Makes me wanna go Texas!!
And do some trout fishing!!!!
I still remember how i promised that i would go San Antonio to visit him
and he would bring me fishing and some offroading thing..
i didnt understand what it meant at that time,
but now i think it's just driving a 4 wheeler, and veer off the road (?!)

haha, the foolishness of yesteryears....

-

Mr Big's Brother - (let's just call him Big Brother from now on)
So Big Brother's Girlfriend permed her hair on the SAME day i did!

Ok, like those are the forces of nature people.

Great, it's a Friday night and i'm watching DVDs.
HOW PATHETIC!!!!

I'm going back to singapore to club and drink and make up for alll the friday nights i've been pathetic.

2008-06-13T09:24:00.002+10:00

15 Things We Love About Men :

1. Jar opening, spider catching and other minor acts of heroism

2. Kisses at traffic lights

3. Unsolicited spooning

4. Really, almost any kind of uniform

5. That any-sex-is-great-sex attitude

6. Their shoulders

7. Tuxedos

8. That they sometimes look like this :

9. Their unfailing desire for second servings, even if you cook something inedible

10. The way they will happily play cars with any child

11. How intimidated they are by your dad

12. The way they dollop ketchup on every meal

13. How sexy their arms look when they're driving (especially gear changes)

14. The way they look at us when they think we're not looking

15. The bit of hair that leads from their belly button to their you-know-where

2008-06-11T19:32:00.001+10:00

It's as if from 5000km away, Lynette knew Exactly how i was feeling, and gave me a call right out of the blue.

2008-06-10T11:09:00.002+10:00

I have a new mode of transport!!

2008-06-10T09:50:00.001+10:00

其实心中没有退路可受

2008-06-09T22:36:00.002+10:00

I listened to THAT song at the loudest my iPod would allow,

for one solid hour while the mother was on the phone to china.

And i think, i THINK i understand what he means.

Even if it's by a little bit.

I shall go listen to it more.

2008-06-09T11:08:00.002+10:00

This is the longest that i haven't spoken to Mr Big.

It's been a week and we haven't spoken more than 10 sentences.

I'm trying to take this as a good break,
and to focus on what's important right now.

But deep inside, it's killing me.

And i can only tell blogger. :(

2008-06-09T11:00:00.001+10:00

OMG

HOW CAN I BE SO FUCKING STUPID???????

FUCK!!!!

2008-06-08T10:01:00.005+10:00

I am FINALLY on the permanent guest list at MOS!

Thanks mummy for hooking me up.

So friends! Let's go there before it closes down at the end of this month!

FOR FREE!!!!!!

Hippo, egyptian and black birdie take NOTE.
I'm coming back on the 23 June.
Stop climbing mountains and backpacking and whatnot.

Save some time for your dear rhino here!!

Also, I cant wait to meet my dearest pong ba pau.
Hope she hasn't put on any weight since Canada.

-

Btw, i permed my hair for the first time on Friday.
It's something i've been wanting to do for a long time now,

but NOW i see why i've been putting it off.

My straight hair was soo much nicer!
UGHHHHH!!!!!!!
Damn depressed. :(
Mother and daughter perms were never a good idea.

Now hippo's sure gonna make fun of me.
"RHINO HAS HAIR!?!? PERMED HAIR!?!?"

ok, whatever, i miss you ugly betty. hehe

I really have nothing intelligent to say.
Exams have been sucking the best juices outta me.
Besides, the mother is here.

I hardly get any work done until she sleeps at 11pm at night
then i study until 2am.
Going Chapel St for some shopping later.
Woohoo!

HAHAHHA!! WHAT A HUGEASS CRAP!

With her colleagues.....

Lygon St. According to her, its "the most horrible food i've ever had in Melbourne"

toodles!

2008-06-05T23:18:00.002+10:00

Driving down the extremely long M1 towards the airport yesterday,

with just the minimal lamps and misty air,

blasting Happy Ending in the car,

It just ain't the same without my absolutely tone-deaf, pitchless partner-in-crime.

Eunice, your voice is being sorely missed. (everyone go: HUH?!)

HEHEHEHE

2008-06-05T23:17:00.003+10:00

It's my first paper tomorrow but all i can think about is how exactly 16 months ago.......

I was making my way to East Coast Park,

Never knowing that i was about to establish the most important moment in my life.

2008-06-03T13:35:00.002+10:00

Hey Mom
Why didn't you tell me
Why didn't you teach me a thing or two
You just let me go
Out into the World
You never thought to share what you knew

So I walked under a bus
I got hit by a train
Keep falling in love
Which is kinda the same
I've sunk out at sea
Crashed my car, gone insane
And it felt so good
I want to do it again

Hey Mom
Why didn't you warn me
Coz about boys is something i should have known
They`re like chocolate cake
Like cigarettes
I know they're bad for me
But I just can't leave 'em alone

I love this song. First heard it 5 years ago in Ruth's car.

Now i finally know!

2008-06-03T01:59:00.001+10:00

HAHAHA!

2008-06-02T16:15:00.000+10:00

To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.

2008-06-02T14:42:00.000+10:00

My body may be weak; but my spirit is high.

2008-06-01T00:28:00.002+10:00

I must admit, i've never been in a proper, proper relationship.

Even with the others, it was all about the mind games, the spiteful remarks, the lying, let's not forget the cheating, and then more lying, hiding, insinuating msgs to other people, basically flirting with anything that moved.

But now, we're almost 4 days shy of our 16th month, though not a remarkable milestone, but nonetheless made me sit and think for a while.

(I have alot of time to think right now, alot, DONT FUCKING ASK ME WHY. JUST ASK QANTAS.)

So back to the thinking part.

I really couldn't have done all these without pure, so fucking pure, love.

He was the pillar of my strength, he was the light at the end of the tunnel, pushing me to do things i've never done, somehow, telepathically sending me all the courage and determination to go on.

Though still in bed, my thoughts go out to you, my Immortal Beloved, now and then joyfully, then sadly, waiting to learn whether or not fate will hear us - I can live only wholly with you or not at all - Yes, I am resolved to wander so long away from you until I can fly to your arms and say that I am really at home with you, and can send my soul enwrapped in you into the land of spirits - Yes, unhappily it must be so - You will be the more contained since you know my fidelity to you. No one else can ever possess my heart - never - never - Oh God, why must one be parted from one whom one so loves. And yet my life in V is now a wretched life - Your love makes me at once the happiest and the unhappiest of men - At my age I need a steady, quiet life - can that be so in our connection? My angel, I have just been told that the mailcoach goes every day - therefore I must close at once so that you may receive the letter at once - Be calm, only by a calm consideration of our existence can we achieve our purpose to live together - Be calm - love me - today - yesterday - what tearful longings for you - you - you - my life - my all - farewell. Oh continue to love me - never misjudge the most faithful heart of your beloved.

ever thine
ever mine
ever ours

2008-05-22T00:26:00.002+10:00

"Enjoy wine in moderation" says the back of my Syrah Dolcetto 2005.

This must be the 415th night that i've gone to bed with a pleasant buzz in the head

and woke up with a major struggle.

I got so agitated just now when i couldnt cork open the wine.

Am i an alcoholic?

2008-05-20T23:42:00.002+10:00

Like the rest of the world, the feeling is indescribable.

And i'm even more scared when i found out that the mother is in China, near SzeChuan....

She told me to go and search for the website.
If you guys can read Chinese well, www.ifeng.com

I cant really understand what they're saying,
but the pictures spell a thousand words.

There was this particularly moving story that she told me,
about this 26 year old guy, who was trapped underneath the rubble for 3 days and 3 nights.

Rescue workers spent 7 hours lifting the heavy cement from him,
and when they interviewed him after they pulled him out,
he said he remained strong because his wife just gave birth..

Then when they carried him down from the mountains,
he died from some rupture of something. Probably the spleen.

I know i sound like a bimbo now but im damn affected.

:( :( :(

The images are haunting.

Mr Big and i took a minute of silence just now on the phone.

If the situation weren't so serious, i would burst out laughing

2008-05-17T18:25:00.001+10:00

Patience is indeed a virtue.

A virtue that i do not possess.

I am driving myself up the wall, wanting the next 7 days to pass by in a flash.

Patience, patience........

2008-05-17T11:02:00.003+10:00

Someone just knocked on my door......

WHO IS IT!?!?!?!??

I thought it was my neighbour's door he was knocking on,
(let's just assume it was a ravishing male)
but after a while i realized it was mine!
When i faster went to change to my shorts,
(i was only wearing a t shirt)

that person was gone!!!

I am very freaked out now.

Off to study for the ENTIRE WEEKEND!!!
No more playing, no more going out, no more shopping.

I have heaps of studying to catch up on.

Come next week.......

i'll be in big arms!! YAY!

lol i've gone crazy

2008-05-13T20:40:00.002+10:00

I know my parents' are extremely elated over my GAMSAT results.

Especially my mother.

Her hopes of me becoming a doctor are slowly unraveling.

I'm kinda surprised God gave me a second chance. .
I feel like i really don't deserve it.
I'd rather the big one up there gave it to someone so much more deserving than me.

Mr Big is feeling damn lousy.
And i am feeling very lousy too.
Is there any way that i can apply but sabotage my interview?

Haiz, but i know i want this as well. DUNNO LAH. WHATEVER.

I want to be a tai tai ok! HAIZ. And i want to go home.

Everyone who knows me knows i want to go home.

I want to go home to you.
I want to spend every weekend beside you.
I want to eat dinners with your parents and your brother.
I want to discuss about politics with you.
I want to hear you bitch about your boss.
I want to be able to say "see you later at 5!" everyday.

I want you to come to every one of my family gatherings.
I want you to be there with me when i'm down
I want you to be waiting for me with a very loving look upon your face and a cup of green tea frappaccino in your hands.
I want you to hold my hand in every movie
I want you to cover my eyes with your hands when there's a scary part
I want you to quarrel with me, argue and fight,
Because the makeup after that makes this so much stronger.

I want this with you, too much.

Thanks for the parcel.
I know you're not that kinda guy that would send a parcel
But that small heart that you drew at the back of the envelope

Made my heart smile so wide.

And that feeling was incredible.

All the other guys; they just don't hold a candle.

2008-05-12T16:16:00.000+10:00

2008-05-12T15:55:00.001+10:00

BY HOOK OR BY CROOK,
I'M GOING HOME THIS JUNE.

2008-05-12T00:39:00.001+10:00

YES!!!!!!

RONALDO JUST SCORED A PENALTY!!!!

WOOOHOOO!!!

Disclaimer: I'm not watching it per se, i just know it from the cheers of noisy boys next door.

Mr Big can sleep in peace tonight alr :D

2008-05-11T01:01:00.002+10:00

I might not always know the right thing to do,
okay fine, i NEVER know the right thing to do.

But now, i actually do know.

I can actually SEE it.

Like no way am i gonna let go the two loves of my life.

what the hell was i thinking???

I'm not gonna use my age-old "*** really screwed me up" excuse any longer

Why was i so afraid to let people judge me??

Then i realized it was because i judged myself as well.

I was the most critical judge of all.

And i'm learning to let go of that.

2 more weeks baby. 2 more weeks!!!!!!!!!!!

i ***CANNOT*** wait.

i know this is the first time that i'm gonna say this publicly,
but honesty is the best policy hence:

I LOVE MY BOYFRIEND!!!

even the mother knows now. :)))))

2008-05-09T00:58:00.000+10:00

HELP!!!!!

I WANNA PEE!!!!!!

BUT I CANT PEE!!!!!!!

2008-05-08T11:39:00.002+10:00

我知道你有千言你有万语
却不敢说出口
你知道我好担心，
我好难过
却不敢说出口。。

当你踏上月台，从此一个人走
我只能深深的祝福你
深深的祝福你
最亲爱的朋友
祝你一路顺风。。。

2008-05-08T10:17:00.000+10:00

University is about learning.
It's not as simple as learning whatever you're taught in your classes though.
It's about learning how to listen, how to speak, how to think.
Learning who you are, who your friends are and the type of people you want as friends.
Learning how to trust your innermost feelings,
and how to find those feelings in the first place.
It's about learning what's really important to you,
and learning what you don't really give a hoot about.
University is about learning how to tolerate, how to accept, how to like and how to love.
Learning how to give as well as you receive,
and how to trust that everything will even itself out on its own (you buy pizza one night, your roommate will the next).
It's about learning that your mom and dad actually do have the right answers
sometimes,
and that your kid sister isn't such a dumb kid anymore.
University is about learning how to treat people as people, not stereotypes.
Learning how to achieve, how to succeed and how to accomplish.
It's about learning how not to come in first place and still be proud and about
coming in last and learning how to admit that you could have done better.
University is about learning that loud parties don't necessarily mean a good
time.
Learning that loneliness doesn't go away in a crowd, and that sometimes it's
okay to be by yourself on a Friday or Saturday night.
It's about learning that your lunchtime crowd doesn't constitute your popularity,
and that popularity is all a matter of perspective.
It's about learning that boredom is simple laziness of the mind, and that
watching three hours of cable TV is not quality relaxation time.
University is about learning how to pack a bag, how to pack a car, and how to
pack a room full of way too much stuff.
It's about learning that people probably like you a whole lot more than they'll
ever tell you, and that it's your responsibility to make sure your friends know
how much you appreciate them.
It's about learning that simply doing what you're supposed to do isnt enough,
and that you need to put forth twice that much in order to fully grasp
whatever it is that's sitting in front of you.
University is about learning how to miss people enough to not relegate them to
the past, and how not to miss them so much that it keeps you from moving
into the future.
Learning how to motivate yourself and how to motivate others.
Learning what the phrase, "make do" means, and how to use it to make it seem
as if you're not simply "making do."
It's about learning to make people smile.
Indeed, University is about learning.
Learning to live.

Thanks.

2008-05-08T09:16:00.001+10:00

I JUST KNEW IT.

The filet O fish i had at midnight last night....

went STRAIGHT TO MY THIGHS!!!!!

ARGHHH!!!!!

(trivial enough for you audee?)

2008-05-07T20:32:00.000+10:00

最后的疼爱是手放开

2008-05-07T19:43:00.002+10:00

"You can't change what you haven't acknowledged."

-

I haven't had things put into perspective like that.
Until i was on the verge on losing someone who means alot to me.
I've had many turning points in my life, to tell you the truth.

But none like what i just had.

I was prideful in the past. Very prideful.
Only child, what do you expect?

But i know something snapped in me today.
Just snapped. And i succumbed to how i've been feeling for the most part of my life.

It doesn't have to be this way. It just doesn't.

I know that now. Slowly, i know. I must take things step by step.

But i'll start from where it matters the most.

I've screwed up HELL lots of things in the past.
Things that mattered the most, people that i cared about the most..

If i could, i would go knock on every one of my exes door, and said how truly, terribly sorry for what i've done.

But i know i can't, people will just think i'm weird.

So, i'm determined, very determined not to screw this up.

No, not anymore. I can't be that girl anymore.

And i won't.

I will be kept grounded. Because i know i have you to always remind me.
How simple it should be and how simple it can be.

Thank you, thank you.

2008-05-07T11:15:00.002+10:00

Sometimes, in the depth of darkness, there's still a silver lining afterall.

2008-05-04T16:57:00.002+10:00

OMG!!!! MINNIE IS PREGNANT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

WHY AM I MISSING ALL THESE AGAIN!?!?!?

but good news is, she's gonna have a december baby!! Woohoo!!

December babies are special ok. haha. Like my goddaughter. :)

Last night was goooood! So good that Eunice and i were quite high at the end of the night. Although "quite high" doesn't really cut it. More like, hysterical.

Oh well, back to the books. I'm back to the old nerd that i was in sec school.

btw, one for the record: i got a $220 speeding fine and 3 demerit points.

Kim, if you're reading this 1 year later, please remember not to speed again in future.

2008-05-01T22:54:00.003+10:00

I had a good talk with someone today.

Heartbreaking yet heartwarming all at once.

I know there will never be a clear line drawn,
because where do you draw the line between love and hate?

I used to think it was a pencil-thin thread,
but now i've come to understand that it's much like the Berlin Wall.

Anyway, i am disgusted.

REALLY, REALLY DISGUSTED.

Like wanna vomit blood, bang head on the wall, throw furniture around disgusted.

"Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus....
BUT YOU'RE FROM SATURN!!!!"

2008-04-30T17:26:00.003+10:00

Well, where do i start?

All right, i'll start from the fact that my heart wrenched in ways it never did wrench when i read my fellow zoomate's blog, and i miss her so, despite being called a "ruddy woman".

(I will not take to any offense.)

Thus, let us welcome the inaugural opening of rhino's blog again!!

Anyway, an estimated close-to-a-million things happened in the past 2 months;

Some changed my life for the better,
while others.... made my glass not only half empty, but cracked, leaky, and the contents inside even more polluted. (if you get my drift)

I must confess though, i've been keeping a treasure chest full of stuff to myself lately.

My faith was restored, but my trust has broken.
It is a sad fact, but it is still a fact of life.

My mother left Melbourne today, and i spent the best 7 days of our relationship just talking, shopping, eating and sightseeing with her.

I told her everything that i've been wanting to say for the longest time and it was a massive relief off my shoulders.

And she showed me the path, not prodding me in any direction, no jostling no coercing, just lighting up the dark, advising me the pros and cons of every divergent path, and asked me to choose myself.

I might not have the worldly experience or the maturity of a 50 year old, but i can see that things are finally falling into its place.

People usually do things for a reason, and i am mostly trusting of the people i first meet until they prove me otherwise.

That being said, i must tell you that i cried like my heart hasn't been broken before the day Mr big left for home.

Driving away from the airport was the Hardest Thing i had done for the longest time.

But i know now, i really do know now.

BTW, hippo, birdie, egyptian : I MISS YOU LIKE CRAZY!!!

Your Rhino needs you now.

2008-04-09T00:02:00.003+10:00

I'll always look back,
As i walk away..
This memory will last for eternity.
And all of our tears will be lost in the rain,
When i find my way back to your arms again..

But until that day,
you know you are the Queen of my Heart...

-

Was just the other day when you said to me
That you had enough
Told me that you wanna move on with your life
And now you sing to me the same old melody
That I’m still the one
You thought I’d hang around while you made up your mind

Did you think it would be that easy
Did you think I’d be back for more
Loving you was a big mistake cos I don’t miss you at all
Did you think I would wait forever
Baby like the others did before
Loving you was my mistake cos I don’t miss you at all

-

I'm incredibly torn over these two songs.

2008-03-28T14:39:00.002+11:00

"We're breathing in each other's cardon dioxide!"

"I wanna be the air you breathe..."

2008-03-13T20:59:00.002+11:00

The weather was really warm today,
and somehow it reminded me of you.
I can almost imagine what you would have said.

And tonight, as i stare blankly into the pink receding sunlight, i know what you would have done.

And i would have loved it.

2008-03-13T20:26:00.002+11:00

i have often wondered, between the twilight hours of the morning and the nothing if our true passions were merely an excuse to feel alive

2008-03-13T10:02:00.002+11:00

Raoul T-shirt.

Ralph Lauren polo.

Lacoste shoes.

AX Jeans.

Gucci Wallet.

DKNY watch

Zara berms

1 x 100000 shirts

What else is there left to buy for you?

2008-03-12T11:25:00.016+11:00

My mom's friend: -gesturing to maxine- And this is?
My 8th aunt: This is mine, -points to ken- this is mine too.
8th Aunt: -points to mr big- And this is HERS -points to me-

HAHAHAH!!!

The Black Knight's work of art.
I don't care that the organizers for Singapore's first Airshow
got so much flake from the media about being disorganized.

I was too star-struck.....

Sigh, i miss my family.

And the bitch that kissed my boyfriend.

PONG BA PAU!!! where are you...

I miss our crazy laughters......

Our alcohol-induced barefooted walk down Orchard Rd..

Whoa, i look fucking fucking bad!!!

Hope you're not freezing your ass off over there.
Actually, i hope you are!

Then you can freeze to death and join me in the land of the dead.
(inside joke) ok, bye bye!

2008-03-12T09:02:00.001+11:00

"Girls like that, they're challenging it's true,

they're complicated, and enigmatic...

But usually worth it."

2008-03-09T12:29:00.005+11:00

I had everyone over at my apartment yesterday for a.....

The food was fanfuckingtastic!

The four of them were the main chefs,
And i was delegated the all-important job of..... well,
cheering them on! :D

We played Taboo after that and it was soooooooooooo FUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

For that 3 hours that seem to fly by us,
all our worries were momentarily cast aside
And we just focused on killing each other's asses!

However, it must be mentioned that a monumental moment was created :

(We were supposed to describe a word without saying 5 given TABOO words.)

Me: "okay, this person is a woman"

Eunice: (within 2 seconds) "MOTHER THERESA!!!"

-everyone looks at each other-

Everyone: -bursts out laughing-

2008-03-08T18:45:00.002+11:00

He knows how i like my latte.

He anticipates my mood swings.

He buys me anything that has green tea in it when i'm down.

He rubs my feet at night.

He takes me a mug of warm water without me asking.

He memorizes every single date we've had.

He rushes home after work every day to talk to me.

He hasn't been out with his friends in the last 1.5 years.

He scrimps on himself but splashes on me.

The way i feel about you,
It's like i finally know what Lionel Richie has been singing about.

-Chandler Bing, F.R.I.E.N.D.S

2008-03-07T17:36:00.001+11:00

Today, over an innocent friday lunch of porridge and pickles, Eunice and i settled for a conversation peppered with profound questions and rhetorics.

And it got me thinking the entire afternoon.

So for all kaypohs of the world, if you really wanna know, we unabashedly talked (and obsessed) about the current loves of our lives.

We also didn't spare the past either.

I used to think that once you got over someone, as in really move on, completely in love with the one you're with now, whenever the ex gets mentioned or just casually rolled off the tongue, you shouldn't feel a single bit of pang.

But what if that distance is bridged and an ex comes charging towards you with love and adoration you once craved so much - what happens next?

Do all possibilities of and ex and an ex reconciling get curtailed just because they stopped contacting one another?

Do you really love the one you're with just because you can't be with the one you really love?

Do marriages get annulled because most people don't realize that the past is way bigger than they think it is?

Told you it was profound.

It got worse when i came home and saw some pictures.
I wanted to prove myself wrong, that the past is the really in the past.

But I ended up with more questions that answers.

But one thing i do know - loving the one you're with doesn't mean that you can't love the one you really wanna love, but rather, the one you're with made you forget about the past.

Isn't that how the institution of marriages came about?

But that's an entirely different topic for another day.

Goodbye now, we're gonna try to drown our woeful asses in plenty of casino chips.

2008-03-04T20:59:00.001+11:00

She changed my life
She cleaned me up
She found my heart
Like only a woman can

She pulls me up
When she knows I’m sad
She knows her man
Like only a woman can

2008-03-04T18:17:00.001+11:00

OMG OMG OMG OMG

My heart is beating so fast!!!

And i'm shaking!!!!!

This is by far the craziest thing i've ever done.

EVER!!!

2008-03-04T10:36:00.002+11:00

My whole life, i could sustain on living with a mask on.

I could be alone, i have never needed anyone beside me.

But now, on a rainy tuesday morning, i find myself tear-stained, laden with a kind of sadness nobody will ever understand.

And i will pull off the biggest scam in the history of my life just to be with you.

-

"a true friend is not someone who lets you ride the limo,
but the one that takes the bus with you when the limo breaks down"

Maxine is so wise.

2008-02-26T19:14:00.002+11:00

Thank you, from the hugs to the kisses to the good food to the fights and everything else in between,

It was the best 4 months of my life.

the stayovers, the trips, the gifts, the dinners and the movies.

You and me together,
Through the days and nights.
I don't worry cuz everything's gonna be alright.

2008-02-26T12:47:00.003+11:00

And what's one more year compared to the rest of our lives?

2008-02-19T15:06:00.003+11:00

I know if given the choice, i would pawn my rolex watch and buy myself 9 tickets from melbourne to singapore, thrice a semester for the next 1.5 years left of my fucking bachelor's degree.

2008-02-15T05:26:00.002+11:00

You're almost too good to be true.

2008-02-13T04:14:00.000+11:00

I bought a new digital camera!

It's the most gorgeous tech gizmo i've ever had.
(yet: iPhone)

When i first laid eyes on it, (before knowing the skyhigh price)
i just KNEW i had to get it.

Completely touch-screen, 8.1 MegaPixel, Carl Zeiss 5x optical zoom, whatever that means
and the cutest function is the SMILE RECOGNITION

you press the button, and it doesnt take a picture until someone in the screen SMILES :) :) :)

Ya i know it sounds ridiculous at first but well you know!!
NOVELTY is the word of the day.

I listened to whatever my tech heart tells me :))

And no, i'm not gonna be like Edison Chen so don't worry.
The 4GB memory and tripod stand does not tempt me......

-

On a negative note,
i am kinda disappointed with one of the guys today.
I don't know if he's being super giam or what,
but it was unbelievably tak-glam of him.

that's why he's not my boyfriend!
i only choose the best. HAHAHAHHAha

but its true. to most girls, such things do matter.

they matter ALOT

2008-02-13T04:11:00.003+11:00

I am so so so so so excited about Valentine's Day!!!!!!!!
We have so much planned out but i just can't wait for the last bit!

And i can't wait to see the look on your face when i give you your present...

2008-02-11T19:12:00.001+11:00

TWO TIMES, HERE WE GO !

AWWWWWW

2008-02-11T03:40:00.001+11:00

Don't i just love this postcard.

Thanks Ms Chuah.

2008-02-10T23:58:00.000+11:00

They always say that the way to a woman's heart is through her ~~pants~~ friends

But he knows the way to my heart is through my goddaughter.

And he struck it right on the nail.

He was so good with her it made me doubt my capabilities as a godmother.

2008-02-04T00:23:00.000+11:00

I'll tell you the truth.

I've been crying most nights.

I'm scared, so fucking afraid, of taking it day by day.

Because day by day has amounted to 2.5 months,

and in less than 1 months' time,

I'll be back to life without you.

I'll tell you the truth.

I really don't know how to live without you.

No fucken clue.

Today with the family, laughing, joking, bantering,
above the noisy chatter,
For that brief moment,
my sadness momentarily dissipated.

And i didn't realize how sad i was until I was so happy.

2008-02-01T14:14:00.000+11:00

I have been thinking alot about my future lately.

Things like what i wanna do after my degree
where do i see myself in 5 years,
should i study all the way to PhD/MBA..

You know, mundane, adulty things like that.

"Rise above mediocrity", says the ever knowledgable Facebook.

I used to want to be a doctor.

Now that prospect doesn't seem so appealing as i have heard some of the people here who used to work in clinics recapitulate their stories of morphing into a scary, Cloverfield-like monster devoid of emotional capabilities whilst working as a doctor.

As such, i have to make a decision while my mind is still raw and working, before the atrocities of everyday working life have made a comfy home in it.

I have been thinking alot about my future lately.

The mother staged a manipulate stand last night, praising me, giving me hell lots of undue encouragement and support, saying things like "i know you very well kim, you can do anything if you set your heart on it."

"Do your GAMSAT well, and stop going out so much. You're a smart girl blah blah blah"

"Sigh, the family would be very proud of you if you became a doctor"

She sure knows how to stroke my ego.

And that included a distinguished light green Rolex box sitting on my bed when i got home.

I'm not crazy about watches, never have been.

But this baby of mine if fucking gorgeous.

2008-01-29T18:38:00.000+11:00

Even though we are 1 week shy of our 1 year anniversary,

I am still on my honeymoon.

2008-01-23T14:51:00.000+11:00

I have been up to my neck recently with work.

Okay, fine, work AND love and supper yummy beer at Robertson Quay.

The a*star biomedical marketing brochure is finally wrapping up and i can finally take a breather.

Breather comes with much trepidation as it is exactly 5 more weeks till i have to fly back to Lonely Island.

Summer holidays have blown past me just like that.

All i really want is for you to take a 4 month-no-pay-leave and join me over there.

Help me decorate my apartment, buy a flat screen plasma tv, a LaziBoy recliner, buy a pet, rear the pet, pick me up from school, do laundry, rent dvd, throw out the thrash for me when i'm scared to walk out at night, boil water etc etc.

Basically just be the maid i never had. Haha.

SIGH.

I know that it is a truth that i'd rather lose.

2008-01-23T09:47:00.000+11:00

Just in : Heath Ledger has died of sleeping pills OD!!!

I have only one thought: Why is Britney Spears still alive???

2008-01-21T01:54:00.000+11:00

i just found out today that some people really do stay together.

forever!

2008-01-14T17:58:00.000+11:00

A seemingly simple idea was conceptualized in the dark plush couches of New Asia Bar:

Date: New Year's Day
Place: Sennett Ave
Theme: Dress up as any profession or a real/reel character

We had a David Beckham: (chubby cheeks not included)

A pirate:

A magician:

A Crystal Jade waitress:

A cowgirl: (is this even a profession?)

And this is me! A Lawry's waitress!

By far my favourite, Kung Fu Hustle!:

Terrific way to kick off 2008, in part due to the fact that i found myself wrapped up in Big arms in the middle of nowehere when the clock struck twelve.

I used to believe how you start the year gives an idea of how you'll spend the rest of the year.

Just like Santa Claus, i have soon come to believe that that is wishful thinking.

Took me 14 days to draft my new year resolutions but after wasting 1 tonne of office paper, i have only one:

and that is to focus on getting my degree and come back home.

Each day that i spend here is protracted into ten times the dread of going back to Melbourne.

You do the math.

2008-01-10T20:34:00.000+11:00

Ok, so i was late today.

2008-01-10T19:34:00.000+11:00

mr big and i created a massive, gargantuan, colossal, bigmotherfucker scene today at Holland V.

It is thus not easy always having what you want.

As an only child, i have only just begun to grasp that concept.

-

Work so far have been........ really challenging.
for a pea-sized intellect such as mine,
chugging along in the frictioned tracks that is A*STAR,
i find myself getting worryingly inadequate.

what's more worrying is that people around me are all PhD holders.

I'm like some kindergarten child trying to superimpose with the other JC students.

You know how that feels?

THAT FEELS LIKE CRAP. CRAP!!

For now, i shall just focus on making the perfect teh tahrik in the pantry.

2008-01-08T17:40:00.000+11:00

i swear i almost died when my boss said the words "coronavirus", "Single Nucleotide Polymorphisms" and "pubmed".

INTO.THE.PHONE.

2008-01-08T01:12:00.000+11:00

It's my first day today interning at A*STAR - right at the bottom of the R&D food chain.

My nails are perfectly manicured
i'm wearing a rolex watch
and my mother's ridiculously overpriced corporate wear.

Yet, i still feel like sleeping the day away.

The only good thing that comes out of this is that i get to sleepover at mr big's place every night, since Biopolis is so near Holland V.

Some boys made a not-too-subtle request for the digits today.
If not because one of them looks like a chinese god (in correlation to the greek god), i wouldn't even have bothered.

BTW, stick your oily noses out of other people businesses.

2007-10-12T14:52:00.000+10:00

We had the hugest fight just now.

And then he reminded me of what he said that saturday at Taka's Royal Copenhagen.

It all came flooding back.

Like addictions,
Because no matter how badly a thing is hurting us,
sometimes letting it go hurts even worse.

2007-10-11T00:53:00.000+10:00

You wanted to see this Eunice.

2007-10-10T17:07:00.001+10:00

Not surprisingly, out of all the concerts i've been to,
Jacky Cheung's ranked as one of my top favourites.

He came to Melbourne last sunday,
kudos to the idiot who persuaded me to go!
A staggering 4 hour concert, 1 hour encore!

He sang a plenthora of old favs, like 一千个伤心的理由, 情书, 你知道我在等你吗？ and of course : 吻别 !

At the risk of sounding damn cheena, i shall go and hear some 50 cent now.

Oh btw, Singapore was good to me. :)

Excluding the part where he kneeled down in front of everyone in Suntec City,
NOT PROPOSING.

Actually, come to think of it.. That was the best part leh. Hehe.

Did i just giggle? Whoa that was disgusting. Some best bits :

Celebrating my mom's Silver Jubilee at The Oriental :

Okay, fine, so that last photo was like, taken 10 months ago,
but still the best bit!

Remember when i said i had alot of photos of you that you prob don't know?
Yeah, i chose the best one. I shall not upload the horrid ones lah.
Since you let me download Grey's Anatomy today

2007-10-05T22:42:00.000+10:00

It upsets me when people say that time heals,
because that hole in my heart is as painful today as it was Feb 16 2006.

As i know it will be in another 50 years.

2007-10-04T20:08:00.000+10:00

http://www.podcast.sg/class95/cartunes/MVI_1312.mp4

-shudders-

2007-10-03T18:38:00.000+10:00

who are we kidding?

2007-09-29T13:56:00.000+10:00

Yesterday, in the lift lobby of Palaise Renaissance,

We bumped into Fiona Xie.

and.she.checked.me.out.

I swear to god i kid you not.

2007-09-25T16:18:00.000+10:00

I'm a season ticket holder at the hospital now.

Life has been put back into perspective.

And if i could, i would take out all my money in my POSB bank,
and purchase all the time in the world.

2007-09-20T19:57:00.000+10:00

Sorry for the lack of updates. Blogging is like, so 80s.

Anyway, Exhaustion has become my middle name.

"Good girls keep diaries.

Bad Girls don't have the time. "

2007-09-18T20:34:00.000+10:00

Like what i always know

To each its own.

2007-09-17T19:27:00.001+10:00

I have reasons for being the way i am -

i have unfaltering trouble in displaying my emotions in public.

But imagine the internal torment i must have had when i saw this :

I just wanted to run out there and hug everyone in this world.

Why does my own boyfriend not know the way to my heart?

-

I know cancer is a massive word,
but i also know that she will be okay.

I should know, i just written a 1500 word essay on Cancer genes.

And according to my essay,
There's a 85% chance of me getting it too.

So i say let's all just cherish every moment of this life.
Who knows what might happen tomorrow?
I'm sick and tired of waiting.

I shall go out and buy an LV wallet tomorrow.

2007-09-12T22:38:00.000+10:00

Crackling fireplace, four-poster bed, wooden floors,
cottage in the middle of nowhere;

"You're my Final Destination 3."

HAHAHA!!

I want to go back to Yarra Valley. :(

2007-09-11T22:45:00.000+10:00

I'm happy.

And after 21 years of complications,
This is as good as it gets.

2007-08-28T21:19:00.000+10:00

Will you choose brillance without love?

Or love without brilliance.